Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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