i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
