i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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