i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
