Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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