like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
