he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
