I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
