i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
