Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
