yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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