He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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