I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
