it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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