I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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