My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
