So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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