he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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