He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
