Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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