i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
