Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
