I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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