I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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