Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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