OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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