thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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