i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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