I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
