i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
