I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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