pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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