Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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