i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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