Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
