Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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