oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
