Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
