he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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