im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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