I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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