Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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