Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
