peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
