How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
