My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
