Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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