The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
