Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
