Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
