just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
