Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
