Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
