Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there is glitter all over my balls
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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