I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
