I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
