Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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