Soap is not a condiment
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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