I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
