So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
