I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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